Curious About Insanity
by Emana
Summary: WCMI. Basically, Reginald has not been seen in a while so Alice goes sneaking around his house to see if he left a clue to his whereabouts. Both Reginald and Alice are in this and yes, there's a happy ending. My first one-shot. AlicexReginald COMPLETE!


**Emana**: All right. First of all, WCMI and Reginald belong to Miss Brianna and Miss Rain.

Second of all, _Alice in Wonderland_ belongs to Lewis Carroll.

Third of all, I am doing this for a friend; to say that I am a WCMI fan would be a lie, because I really don't have an opinion of the story. It's one of those things that I'm not quite sure if I hate it or love it.

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**Curious About Insanity**

**A.K.A. Curiousity didn't kill the Cat, it brought...a Purple Squirrel???**

Reginald Theophilus III had not been seen for quite some time, without hide nor hint of where he might have run off to. Nevertheless, the disappearance of the mad hat maker did not seem to bother anyone, lest of all his best friend Ears, as such an occurrence was viewed as commonplace. At least, no one _appeared_ to be bothered by his absence. But one person, deep inside her heart, did seem to think this new development should be looked into, though she would very likely never admit such a thing to anyone, including herself. Especially herself.

Alice Liddell just locked the doors to the bookstore that she and Belle owned, wondering about many different things concerning the nature of doors and talking animals and, yes, wondering about the location of Reginald, when she paused, suddenly seized with an idea. A rather stupid idea, she would add. Such a most ridiculous idea, Alice tried to dismiss it with a logical rebuttal of "it would do no good". But the thought sagged into her mind, and began to gnaw at her better judgment and good reasoning to the point where, instead of walking straight home as she was wont to do, she stepped off at the residence of the March Hare.

Ears, as usual, was having tea at the table he always kept set up on his front lawn. That anyone should think him to do anything other than drink tea in his free time was preposterous, as it was for Reginald. The poor hare looked rather lonesome huddled in an armchair all the while silently sipping his favorite drink, and when he saw her a hopeful grin overcame his face. Alice bitterly wondered to herself how much that grin would fade if he knew she hadn't come to stay longer than a few mere minutes.

"Alice! Come, sit down! Have a cup of tea! It's been dreadfully quiet, what with old Reg off on his own and only a narcoleptic mouse to keep you company."

Ears knocked on a nearby teapot for a good measure, and was answered only briefly by a glance of a tiny nose and whiskers.

"Bah. I wonder why I even bother sometimes…So how are you my dear? I trust the bookstore is all well and good, yes?"

"Yes…quite." Alice replied, taking a seat and pouring herself a drink.

"Good, good."

Silence ensued…unnatural for Ears' tea table. _If Reginald were here…_

Alice bit her lip nervously. She hadn't really come to Ears for tea, as nice as that was, but she really just couldn't bring herself to ask Ears about Reginald. Curiosity, on the other hand, demanded that she suck it up and speak up, and she found herself asking about the esteemed hat maker before she knew the words passed her mouth.

"Reginald? No I haven't seen the old chap for days now. And I can't really say where he's gone off to either…" Ears retorted, raising an eyebrow at her and, for the most part, looking rather surprised that she would bring it up "Whatever are you asking about him for?"

"Oh…er…no reason…" Alice stuttered out, immediately going back to sipping tea. _What if he really was in trouble? I would be justified in worrying, wouldn't I? Surely no one could blame me if I thought it would help._ Such were Alice's thoughts when she realized Ears had been calling her name.

"Alice? Alice?"

"Hm? Sorry, did you make a remark?"

"I was only remarking upon the weather and how you fared in the cold front that came through a few nights back." The hare said, gazing up at her with those deep dark eyes of his pointedly.

"Oh…right…I daresay I got along quite well. Thank you very much for asking."

The hare frowned, as though he were put out with her remark.

"My dear, what seems to be on your mind?"

_He has me there…what _is_ going through my mind anyways…I really must mad for asking…_

"Do you…perchance have a…a key to Reginald's house?"

Alice muttered this looking at the ground, and waited for a sharp comment to be made. A tone of confusion, worry, maybe even outrage. After all, proper young ladies do not ask for keys to a gentleman's…strike that…to a man's house. But the rebuttal she had expected never came, and she looked up at Ears to find not disgust but understanding in his face; she found herself thankful that he considered her a friend.

When he immediately hopped away to go shifting through his house in search, Alice sat there and fidgeted in her seat while trying to calm her prim inner self from crying "outrage" with tea. When that failed, she walked over to Ears in hopes of helping him just so that she had a distraction. He stood in the center of strangely colored…things (Alice was not quite sure what else to call such absurdities) and put forth apologies.

"Er…I'm sorry, my dear, but I'm rather afraid I've quite lost it."

"That…that is quite all right…I was just…" Alice mumbled, before abruptly excusing herself and walking away. Staying for tea with Ears after what she said was just too unbearably comfortable to deal with at the moment. _He will forgive me_, she thought as she lingered casually over to Reginald's residence.

It was such a ridiculous idea…Why did she ever think going through his house would help her find wherever he went off to, or at least find out if he was safe? Was it only idle curiosity that brought the thought fluttering into her head? Was she really worried at all? Too many thoughts lingered and swirled around, and she firmly decided that, after coming this far she should at least try the door.

To her surprise, it was unlocked; there had been no need to ask Ears for a key at all. Wondering on this, she recalled the hatter mentioning something about leaving his door unlocked for her…_but I hadn't thought he was serious!_

For a good measure, she glanced both ways down the street to make sure nobody was watching; it wouldn't do for someone to think she was breaking in. When she felt sure that no one saw her, she tentatively cracked the door open and peeked through. _It's just a peek, no more,_ she thought, _I really don't think I should go any further than that._

But when she heard voices coming from behind her, she quickly spun around just in time to see people off in the distance coming up the road that runs by the house. Panicking, she rushed inside and closed the door behind her. She was resolved to wait until the citizens had passed, then rush off home and forget all this nonsense, when she looked around.

It was a rather intriguing house, filled with clashing colors and an incomparable amount of teapots scattered everywhere. She was admiring a strange device that did who knows what when she heard a strange chipper sound from the next room over.

"Reginald?" She asked hesitantly and, upon receiving no reply, proceeded to search out the cause of the noise…which turned out to be a squirrel. And a rather peculiar squirrel at that. While most squirrels sported beautiful coats of brown or grey, this one had an undeniably purple coloring to its fur.

"My goodness! There really is a purple squirrel! And here I thought Reginald was only making things up!"

"My goodness!" The squirrel replied in a high pitched voice so laced with sarcasm it startled her a bit, "There really is a girl curious enough to go through a madman's house! And here I thought Reginald was only making things up!"

"Touché," Alice answered bitterly, eyes narrowing at the tiny creature. She did NOT come all the way here to be chastised by a preposterously colored rodent. "You wouldn't, by chance, know if Reginald is well and fine, would you?"

"Well, well, well." The squirrel chanted as though mimicking her like a parrot, "Well, well, well…Aren't we curious? Curious, curious, curious. Now I know why he's taken such a liking to you…You're just as curious as he is insane! An extreme for an extreme and opposites attract!"

"I am indeed curious, which is why I would greatly appreciate it if you would so kindly answer my question!"

The squirrel looked up at her with a long face…no…its face was much too long…and its tail was growing too…changing. The tail twisted into a shell, its eyes started bulging out and up, and its claws turned into hoof-like appendages. It looked like a very disturbing cross between a snail and a giraffe.

Now Alice was, by now, use to a great many strange things. But when a disturbing half snail half giraffe creature comes limping towards her all the while screaming "CURIOUSER AND CURIOUSER!" at the top of its lungs, one can hardly blame her for being both upset and frightened. She turned and raced towards the door…only to find that the door was no longer there, and the thumping limp of the creature was steadily edging towards her. Scared half out of her wits, she stumbled along to the closest room she could find. But when she entered and the room's door shut of its own accord, she found herself in complete and utter darkness.

She attempted to search out the door or even a window with her hands stretched out in front of her, but no matter how far she traveled there was no end to the room's length. She reeled to the ground, burying her head in her hands as she realized she was now stuck in a dark place without any way of escape. At least the thumping footsteps of the strange beast had stopped, and perhaps Ears would realize she was trapped…

"Cricket?"

Alice's heart fluttered a little. _It…it really couldn't be_, she thought as she hesitantly lifted her eyes. Despite the fact that the room was completely dark and she could see none of its furnishing, for some inexplicable reason she could see him clear as day.

"R-Reginald?!.." Never before had she ever wanted to see him so badly, and she quite literally held out her arms for him to come closer. Which he did, kneeling down to embrace her.

"You look nice today, cricket." He remarked with his usual happy-go-lucky grin.

"You can see me?"

"Well of course I can! I have eyes, dontchaknow." He frowned and scrutinized her, "Why such question? Are you trying to practice invisibility? You do realize you have to wish upon a magic lamp for that sort of thing, don't you? Else wise the evil flying elves would come and take my poor cricket away!"

Despite how much she had weighing on her mind, Alice couldn't help but laugh at this. When she looked down at herself, she noticed that she too was visible. She glanced back up at him and smiled.

"Oh, Reginald…I must say I missed you."

"I missed myself and you. I missed more people so I win! Oh wait, if you miss something you lose. Like if you miss a target. Well, then I don't miss you, I only miss myself. There, it's a tie! And let's not make it a knot." He chatted away with that big bright smile of his as though he were oblivious to the deep darkness around them. Which was a good possibility.

"Reginald…" Alice groaned, somewhat annoyed despite how happy she felt. "Do tell, how does one get out of here?"

"Out of where?"

"Out of this room. It's so dreadfully dark and frightening here. Why, you can't even see the furniture!"

"You can't see the furniture?"

"Look around you!"

But the hatter only stared at her with an apologetic smile and replied:

"I really can't tell the difference whether it's visible to my eyes or not. I'm really sorry, Cricket, but I'm incapable of viewing things the way you do. In my world, through my eyes, it's quite impossible for me to see anything but _**you**_."

With the sincerity of his voice and the way he looked at her, she was much too awestruck to make a comment. She merely leaned in to rest her head against his chest right where his heart lay, hoping that listening to it would help her own for she was quite sure hers had stopped.

"Now if _you_ disappeared, crumpet." Reginald began again, "That would be truly frightening!"

He pulled her back a little so that he could look at her face and continued with a grave sort of seriousness,

"So I would really appreciate it if you would stop practicing invisibility. You might forget how to make yourself seen again! If you disappeared and never came back…I don't know what I'd do with myself."

Alice smiled at him before she leaned her head back on his chest, too bewildered to do anything else yet feeling quite comfortable with his arms wrapped around her, content to simply sit there like that for all eternity.

"Alice?" Came a voice, a bit of distress underlying the tone. _Odd that it sounded nothing like Reginald's though…_

"Alice…Alice?...Alice!" The voice was persistent to the point where her eyes fluttered open…only to come face to face with Ears. And he was staring at her a few mere inches with a look of concern written all over his face.

"What?" She looked around, and saw that she was at Ears' tea table. _How did I get here? And where's…!_

"Where is he?" She asked, alarmed to find that the beloved green hat and its owner were nowhere in sight.

"Where is who?"

"Reginald!"

Ears stumbled back a little in shock, and looked at her reproachfully.

"Er…no one knows. He's been gone quite a while…"

"Impossible. He was right here…he was…"

"Alice, it was probably just a dream."

"A…dream?"

"You have been asleep for a couple of hours."

"Excuse me?"

"You're excused."

"I mean…I was asleep…this whole time…at a tea table. Why did you not wake me sooner?"

"You looked quite comfortable. You really should get more rest, you know, and stop taking so much work all the time. I was just about to have my forty-fourth cup of the day when Dormouse, I swear that chap wakes at the strangest of moments, the Dormouse came up and muttered 'wake her'. I rather thought it was a good idea too; you were crying."

Alice automatically lifted her hand to her face and, sure enough, her cheeks were wet. She was just about to tell him that they weren't the bad kind of tears when a loud shout came from the gate of the hare's house.

"CRIIIIIICKEEEEEET!!!!"

"Speak of the devil…" Ears muttered as the crazed hat maker gleefully ran to the table, stopping his burst of speed by grabbing and leaning on Ears as though the poor hare were a handle bar. Reginald thrust a bouquet of flowers right into Alice's face with the look of a little kid who just won musical chairs and didn't quite know what the prize was. She absentmindedly took the gift, staring pointedly at Ears (who by now was getting very irritated).

"It's nice and all that you've finally made it back with your hat still in one piece, but do you mind letting go? This isn't the Matterhorn."

"Eh? Oh, terribly sorry, old friend. I didn't see you there!"

"Please hold on to the hand rails and stay clear of the hatter." Ears retorted a little bitterly, and as he made his way towards the house, Alice swore she heard him mutter "You never notice _anything_ when she's around."

Alice stared blankly at the flowers, and then at Reginald, who was pouring himself several cups of tea and downing each one with a quick motion.

"…Where have you been?"

"I was picking you flowers! I heard the ones up on the northern mountain were the most beautiful in the world, so I went to pick some for you! But…er…I was distracted along the way."

"…."

"I…It wasn't my fault I swear! That tree had what was coming to it! Oh, I tried to make polite conversation…talk about the weather, discuss the benefits of having orange scarves in court…but the rude thing wouldn't even tell me its name! And…and…" Here he began to tear up and bawled out "AND IT WOULDN"T EVEN LOOK AT THE SKY WITH ME!!! WE WERE GOING TO MAKE PICTURES OUT OF THE CLOUDS!!!"

He started to sob violently as though it were the greatest tragedy in the universe, but abruptly stopped just as fast as he began when she made no motion.

"Crumpet?" He questioned, leaning forward to study her face.

"Reginald…" She began in a small voice.

"That's me!" He answered, sticking out his chest and pointing to himself with an idiotic grin.

"Stop practicing invisibility."

"…Er…what?"

"Promise me…you won't ever leave without telling me where you're going again…Please?"

The smile that took over his face could easily put any clown to shame.

"Comme vous voulez, mon tasse à thé." He remarked, giving her an overdramatic bow "Est-ce que vous aimeriez une baiser au revoir la prochaine fois?"

"I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Theophilus, bu-"

"-the third."

"But I've quite forgotten most of my French and therefore am incapable of answering your question."

"You're quite capable of a 'yes' or 'no', you just won't know what the question asks. Anyone can answer a question even if they don't understand it."

"Only a fool would answer a question they don't understand."

"But you're still quite capable of a 'yes' or 'no' even if you don't understand, right?"

"Yes."

"C'est excellent!" And the way he went about made her wonder if he was going to use that as an answer to whatever the French question asked. Wonder…and laugh at his repeated attempts to balance five chairs, three teapots, seven forks and a stick of butter on top of each other.

Alice admired the blooms in her hand; she knew that the mountain he spoke of was a several days' journey away, the fact that he would go to such lengths for a simple plant was…well, rather touching.

_I have to agree with you Reginald_, she thought, taking in the luscious smell of the flowers,

_If you disappeared and never came back…I don't know what I'd do with myself…__**either**__._

**_Il Fine_** E()**3**

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**Emana**: Someone was asking if the purple squirrel was real and Miss Rain replied that it was just a figment of Reg's imagination, representing his conscious. Which is why I sort of had to make it a dream.

French Translations: note that my French is not amazing. NEW: All right, apparantly, my French is REALLY bad, so hopefully this NEW French phrase says what I want it to... Thank you hawk II, for pointing it out.

"Comme vous voulez, mon tasse à thé" : "As you wish, my teacup"

"Est-ce que vous aimeriez une baiser au revoir la prochaine fois?" : "Would you like a kiss goodbye next time?"


End file.
